+* [ Scribblings *___________________

_Saturday, February 11, 2006*

unforgettable & irreplaceable

yesterday made me realise how much i miss cedar, the people, the environment, and the place... from the very moment we got out from the cab up till the release of results, it just came like one big nostalgic tsunami. seeing all the familiar faces, surrounded by absolutely crazy people, hearing sudden bursts of cheers and screams( i miss the birthday song the most! )... it's a trademark cedar experience. you won't be able to get this elsewhere, well elsewhere they'll probably give you weird looks for being such a rowdy bunch of noisy lunatics. it's really home! like what tracy said, 'i wish we could stay here forever...' i never wanna leave!

the second we set foot into cedar, the jubilant atmosphere was irrepressible. walking into school like old times and seeing ms nair at the foyer welcoming one and all(WITH A BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEG SMILE ON HER FACE. o.O), i couldn't help but feel excited. when ms nair asked the 4 of us 'why do you think i'm smiling like that?', that was when i started grinning myself. haha! it's infectious! the mood was set... all the teachers had huge smiles plastered on their faces. first was the teachers, then it was the friends! all the people that i've been seeing for almost everyday of the last 4 years of my life! no words can express how much i miss them... the look of recognition and joy on their faces was really priceless! people were hugging everywhere! tracy and me were hugging and screaming and she even lifted me up. haha! you really could tell from all the hugs that everyone missed everyone... cos i got quite squashed. lol. but i really don't give a damn.

thanks JULIA for all the farewell&x'mas&valentines gifts!!! they're soooooooo nice... i miss all the stupid but sweet things we always say and do. went back to the container! gosh... it's amazing! they changed the flooring and they've got a couch in there too!! and their lighting's damn chio!!!! i still remember all the looney things that happened in the container... gd ole robinson crusoe's complaints about his cupboard and his radio, locking et out of the class, nav and her crazy punjabi dances and flashes, not to mention her door opening antic that shocked the crap outta darren chin... all the stupid scrabble games we had etc etc etc. all those wonderful memories! we went to crash mrs koh's ss class were she gave us even more good news! the school still has the same homey feeling it did 4 years ago! the togetherness and camaraderie is stronger than it ever was.

all the sec4s of 05 in the canteen, when ms leong walked in, the whole canteen erupted into cheers and aapplause! i miss her too!!! she's the best principal one can ever get. i miss her motivational speeches which really unlike others are heartfelt and extremely sincere. she's more of a friend than a principal... more than just an authority. she really deserved that standing ovation in that hall. we made her a promise and the class of 05 kept it. it was really nice of her to acknowledge it. our efforts and the teachers have not come to naught! one of the things i love most about cedar is the cheering. really can't get that anywhere else.

then came the release... the whole sec4 cohort of 06 came down to stay for the analysis of this year's results. that has NEVER EVER happened before! all the juniors were sooooo supportive( i suspect this has got something to do with the half day they got thanks to our STERLING results. heh. but it was nice nonetheless. ) anw, our batch did SooooOOOOOoooo much better than expected! 4Z's expected l1r5 was 13+ but we overcame all odds and got 10.0! congrats girls! we're still top after the trip sci classes! xD and we well for eng too! 4Z ROCKS! nvm if we tied with 4S or not, we still managed maintain our spot for coming first for eng! when everyone thought our batch would make history for being the first to pull down cedar's standards(well we did kinda make history for prelims...), we did otherwise and even got close to the rabbit year's record! anw, no matter were we end up, always keep cedar's flag flying high!

*- amanda scribbled at 2/11/2006 01:51:00 PM

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_Friday, February 10, 2006*

what's next??

it's 3am and here i am sitting infront of my comp... I CAN'T SEEM TO GET TO SLEEP. why?? probably cos my mind's thinking about a million and one questions... before even solving one, it skips to the second. haha! the weird thing is that stupid econs terms keep coming to my mind... 'demand', 'supply', 'cetaris paribus', 'OPPORTUNITY COST'... which later reminds GP... what mr tong yee said about 'networking'... 'looking at the bigger picture'... 'mixing around with the different types of people'... 'MAKING AN INFORMED DECISION'... ETC etc etc...

as you all know(OR SHOULD KNOW), the results that everyone's been talking about are gonna be out in a couple of hours. the rational me tells me i shouldn't be panicking cause it's not the least helpful, yet the irrational me overrides the rational me once someone starts getting a panic attack about that stupid paper that's somehow gonna decide our future. it's infectious. i was blog hopping and i read nut's recent entry, the one where she suddenly starts tearing... i was reminded of that night when my parents sat me down after dinner for a long(sure seemed like forever to me) discussion... or rather i was supposed to tell them there and then if i really wanted to go to aust to study. the more they pressed me for an answer, the worse i felt. during the few days leading up till that night, i was really stoned. then i dunno what really happened, i just started crying at the table. the thought of making such a heavy decision in such a short time was overwhelming...

the consequences if i went and flunked out were clear... i would not only disappoint my parents, but also ruin my bros' future. costs would run up to at least half a million++. there were many other issues that crossed my mind as well... that was then... now, it's still pretty much the same... there's no doubt about going overseas, it's just a matter of time. but which route i wanna take and when i wanna start on that route's a nagging question. i guess i'm just scared... scared of failure, scared of risking it all, scared of the unknown... i don't want to make a decision and end up regretting. much less a decision without having the slightest idea what lies ahead. i don't know, i don't want to know... if only life wouldn't be so complicated.

now my mom tells me that the pr application's successful... and i know she really wants me to go over next year... but do i really want to? she tells me it's all up to me...

avril lavigne [falling down]
If fear's what makes us decide
Our future journey
Well I'm not along for the ride
Cause I'm still yearning
To try and touch the sun
My finger's burning
Before you're old, you are young
Yeah, I'm still learning

I am falling down
Try and stop me
It feels so good
To hit the ground
You can watch me
Fall right on my face
It's an uphill human race
And I am falling down

I'm standing out in the street
The earth is moving
I feel it under my feet
And I'm still proving
That I can stand my ground
And my feet are there
Haven't washed my hair
To be lost before you are found
Don't mean you're losing

Someday I'll live in a house
Etc., etc., etc
But you know that's not for now
And for now I'm falling
Down down down
Down down down
Down down down
(I am falling down)

I am falling down
(I'm falling..)
It feels so good
(I'm fallin, I'm falling down)
To hit the ground

I am falling down...

*- amanda scribbled at 2/10/2006 02:53:00 AM

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_Sunday, February 05, 2006*

HELLOOOOOO GORGEOUS!!

i just got back from one of my dad's friend's place. sweet! haha! i've got an idea of what i want my future home to look like. haha. been there since 7pm and i'm still swooning over that house. ok la. i may seem like a bloody sua ku or country bumpkin but i've never been to a penthouse before k. their new house is absolutely a beauty! -gushes- it's a 3 storey penthouse with an open rooftop... and their rooftop's got a jaccuzzi overlooking the cbd, kallang basin, indoor stadium and gosh... you can even see batam from there! plus you can even see fireworks at super clear view cos it's 20 storeys up! ahhhhh!!! I LIKE!!!! and it's soooooo private... with 3 different lift accesses straight to their doorstep. i want i want i want!!! but it's like 2million and climbing cos the upcoming IR's gonna be just a stone's throw away. i'm in love... >.< the view's great, and it's so damn breezy that you don't even have to turn the fan on. ayeeee... btw, i won about 20 bucks from bundluck *hee hee* and my dad was the banker for a couple of rounds... glad he convinced me to play, even lent me money to start. >.< wanted to stay off gambling after that day's losing streak. not bad! won so much outta nothing! xD

*- amanda scribbled at 2/05/2006 12:42:00 AM

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_Friday, February 03, 2006*

a picture is worth a thousand words...

some pics from tue's house hopping!!
at my house...